This morning I attended a lecture on worrying, which was presented by Nancy Alterman a geriatric social worker at University Medicine & Dentistry of NJ. Since I have been unemployed, I have been worrying much more than I used to. You know what I mean. I worry about getting a new job. I worry when will I get a new job. I worry if I will be able to do the new job. I worry what if I don’t get a job. The worries are endless, so I thought that this was the perfect lecture to attend. It I could curtail my worries it would alleviate some of my stress and maybe even lower my blood pressure.
First Nancy defined worry as over thinking unpleasant things that have happened or that might happen. It creates feelings of being afraid and unhappy. Worry is being mentally upset over possible misfortune and danger and regrets from the past. Fear is the emotion and worry is the thought. Worry is often how we respond to fear.
Worry makes us feel responsible and in control. We avoid our emotions by thinking. When you are thinking you are not feeling. It makes us feel like we are doing something constructive, but in reality worrying actually makes life harder. When we worry we don’t think clearly; we lose peace of mind and become irritable.
Ms. Alterman states that worry actually diminishes our capacity for problem solving and prevents reasoning. It undermines self confidence. Instead of worrying we should “be concerned”. It is less intense and more productive. As Pythagoras says, “Concern should drive us into action and not into a depression. No man is free who cannot control himself.”
Prolonged stress affects the hypothalamus in the brain. Adrenal glands release adrenalin. Over time, that is more than 15 minutes, our memory is affected and the body starts to break down. It affects our sleep, our cardio system, our immune system and can lead to substance abuse, high blood pressure, headaches, stroke and heart disease.
John Hopkin’s research showed that people with a positive attitude were 50% less likely to experience a heart attack that pessimistic people. People with a positive outlook have lower levels of stress hormones.
Things you can do to lessen your worries are:
1. Shift worry to concern.
2. Exercise (It seems exercise is a great cure for so many things.)
3. Put yourself on the top of the list. We are always telling unemployed women to do things they enjoy. This is very important for well-being.
4. Get yourself a Worry Box. Write down all your worries. Put one worry for each page. Place your worries in a box. Set time aside to worry over all your items in the box. Then stop worrying about them for the rest of the day.
By doing this you–
a. delay the worry
b. shows you that worry is not so important
c. gives you more control when you set up a deliberate time to worry
d. breaks your cycle of association
e. helps you visualize your worry (the pink elephant in the room)
If you want additional resources of worrying, go to:
Nancy Alterman’s lecture was very helpful to me. She gave concrete ways to help curtail my worrying. I am going to design my worry box this evening. She also recommended the book, “The Worry Cure” by Robert Leahy PhD. The book goes into more detail about the worry box.
On the subject of worry:
I am 51 years old. One year ago I lost my job due to downsizing and work being sent overseas. I have been working in the publishing industry for over 20 years. As I worked longer and longer hours every week, and continued to take paycuts every year, slowly the jobs began to disappear. Finally I was hit personally with the reality of being unemployed. I am angry, sad, frustrated and worry every waking minute of every day. I have 2000.00 left of ALL of my savings. Not really sure how far that will get me.
I send resume after resume, letter after letter, make phone call after phone call. I have had 4 interviews in the past year from sending thousands of resumes for everything from my profession as a designer to dog sitting to cleaning to administrative to home health care, and some.
I had one job for this past year for exactly 1 week. After reporting this to the unemployment compensation office, they stopped my payments because suddenly I was declared an “independent contractor”. So now, I literally have no income whatsoever.
HOW do I not worry? I have rent that is 900.00 plus utilities, medical insurance expenses, food, winter clothing expenses, all adding up to approximately 2000.00 per month. I have two pets that I have been taking care of for years.
I would like to go back to school, but where will I live and how will I pay my way. There is not one single way of surviving on this planet without the almighty “money-paying JOB”.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what should be my next step?
I also have been out of work for over one year and am frustrated and often worried. However, I will not let worry make me physically ill or stop me from being productive. As hard as it is you must find ways to stay upbeat and busy.
If you haven’t already, go to all the temp agencies in your area. Many of them have immediate jobs available. It may not be what you are looking for or the amount of money you need, but it is something. It may lead to something permanent and will be another place for networking. Consider any odd jobs you can do for friends or family.
Tell everybody you know that you are job searching. If people ask you how you are doing do not be negative and say that you have been laid off for over a year. This can make them uncomfortable and maybe end the conversation. If you say you are job searching they may ask what you are looking for and now you have another network connection.
Try volunteering. I have been doing it for several months and I love feeling productive and meeting new people. I am doing it at my target company and I hope that maybe it will lead to a job.
As far as going back to school see if your county or state offers any assistance. They do in the state of New Jersey.
Take a break from your worrying and find something to do that is free and enjoyable. Look at the classes and events your library has to offer. Once again, meeting new people and networking.
Good luck and try to stay positive so you can be productive.
Gail
Unemployedwoman.com